The Deaths of Arwen
by Arete
Summary: PG for a few deaths... i suppose. The many deaths of Arwen (from the upcoming movie. I have nothing against her in the books)


Disclaimer: I don't own Arwen, Darth Vader, Indy, or any of the other characters mentioned.  
  
note: I have nothing against Arwen in the books, I just am very annoyed about the HUGE role Arwen   
is getting in the, since, apparently, she is going to be in practically every scene. So I thought...hey... let's put her in every scene and she can die in every scene...and some other non-LotR scenes  
so remember... this is the movie Arwen, not book Arwen. She doesn't do anything in the books, thank the Force.  
  
  
At the Ford  
Arwen walked gingerly towards the water that was drowning the steeds of the Black Riders. "Eww." She muttered. "I hate getting wet. It is so, like, yuck." She approached the bank. " I, ewww... Ahh!" She slipped, tumbling head first into the churning waters.  
"Help!" she shrieked. "I can't swim!"  
Glorfindel turned to Aragorn. "My friend. Your true love is drowning in the Ford."  
Aragorn looked extremely confused. "I have a true love?"  
Glorfindel nodded toward the thrashing figure in the water. "Arwen."  
Aragorn gave his friend a disbelieving look. "Arwen? Love? Have you been drinking, my good friend? Because if you have, I will be glad to assist you to your home."  
Glorfindel glared at the Ranger. "I do not get drunk. I just thought you loved her."  
Aragorn shrugged. "It was a stupid obsession."  
Glorfindel nodded agreeably. Then he added, "Shouldn't we save her?"  
Aragorn snorted. "What? And risk the wrath of Elrond?"  
  
  
In the Mountains  
Aragorn whirled around. " Will you stop following me?!?"  
Arwen sighed. "My dear. I must protect you. I will be here for you. I am your love, your life."  
"No you aren't."  
"Yes. I am."  
"No."  
"Yes, I am!"  
"You are a walking ego! Go away."  
"I must follow you! I have an idea. Why don't we talk about something to keep us happy?"  
" We are walking through five feet of snow, lady. Why would we be happy?" Boromir growled.  
Arwen smiled. "Let's talk about me. I love Aragorn. He is the best. I will follow him to the dark land if it means to stay with him. I will protect him with my weapons."  
"Oh, what's that. Perfume?"  
"Aragorn. Why do you mock me? I am showing my dedication to you."  
"SHUT UP!" The entire company yelled.  
"Well, you don't have to be so rude."  
An ominous rumbling echoed through the tall peaks.   
"Uh oh," Merry whispered.  
"What's that?" Sam cried.  
Gandalf turned to face the company. He skewered Arwen with a glare. " You have doomed us all."  
"How?"  
"You have caused an avalanche." The roar was getting closer. "or a rock slide. Splendid."  
Arwen pouted. "They were the ones that yelled."  
Pippin gave Arwen a look. "You were the one talking the whole time."  
Arwen opened her mouth to protest, but a large shadow fell across her. A huge black rock rolled over her, crushing her, and sending her limp form tumbling down the mountain side.  
The company cheered.  
  
Moria (thanks to Curu)  
"I wonder how far down this well goes." Pippin stared down into the infinite darkness.  
Next to him, Arwen looked down, also.  
Pippin glanced at the elf maiden, and then into the well. He innocently whistled a few lines of the Song of Gil-Galad, and pushed Arwen in.  
Her "eek!" got dimmer and dimmer until Pippin heard a meaty thunk.  
Gandalf spun around and grabbed Pippin by his shoulder.  
"What was that."  
"Um... I pushed Arwen down the well." He did his best to sound innocent and cute.  
"Fool of a Took! Wait. Arwen?"  
The hobbit nodded.  
"Oh, okay. That's okay. Never mind."  
  
Helm's Deep(sorry if the numbers are wrong... I'm not looking in the book)  
"Thirteen!" Legolas said happily.  
"Twelve." Gimli grumbled.  
"Nine!" Arwen exclaimed proudly.  
Elf and dwarf stared at Arwen, who was leaning on the wall.  
She waved a small nail polish brush around. "I have one more to go!"  
Legolas rolled his eyes and Gimli shook his head.  
They turned back and looked over the battlements. Legolas brought up his bow, notched an arrow, and began searching for a target. Gimli glanced at Arwen, and then Legolas' bow.  
"Oops!" Gimli "accidently" tripped and fell into Legolas. His bow pointed down at the toward Arwen and the arrow was released.  
"Oops." Legolas said. "Oh well..."  
Gimli shrugged. "They'll think it was an...orc arrow. Yeah."  
Legolas gave a crooked grin. "I doubt anyone will care."  
  
Fangorn (Okay. What's a story without someone getting shot. I mean, Tolkien was a good enough writer to get away with it, but, I'm not a great writer, so, I hafta keep you interested with some major firepower.)  
"I hate trees. I hate dirt. I hate the outdoors." Arwen picked her way through the forest, muttering.  
Suddenly, a guy in a leather jacket, a fedora, and wielding a whip and a revolver crashed through some bushes and leapt up.  
"EEEEEK!!" Arwen shrieked.  
"Ahhh!" the guy pumped a round into Arwen. He kept on running, muttering "Where am I?"  
  
Cloud City  
Arwen stumbled through a door, trying to figure out where she was. She knew she wasn't in Middle Earth. (Wow! Good job, Arwen!) She stepped onto a catwalk that suspended over a huge circular drop. A man dressed in black with an asthma problem strode toward her.  
"I am your father."  
Arwen blinked. "No you aren't. "  
"I wasn't talking to you."  
"Well, I'm the only one here."  
"I was rehearsing."  
"Oh! You mean, like acting. I get it. I love acting. And I love this guy named Aragorn..."  
One hour later.  
Vader woke up. That girl was still yammering about that Aragorn guy. "Oh. Hells of the Sith." He grumbled. He swung his lightsaber handle at her. She fell over the railing and down the long shaft. "I have an important father-son moment," he sighed. He began marching towards the carbon freezing chamber. 


End file.
